Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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