Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
