I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
