He had one of those small greek statue penises
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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