piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
