And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I touched a dick in church today
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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