TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
nutella sex= disaster
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
