i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
