I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize