if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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