Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
