this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
