He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
