positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
