Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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