my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
