just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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