oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it because I queefed?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
