She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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