I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
