Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
