she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
