Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
