He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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