Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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