She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
