It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
