I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
