Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
