He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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