Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
