He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
