4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
