'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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