wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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