I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
