I have demons in me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
God I need to hump something, right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
