I'm jealous of your bromance
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
