I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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