You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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