Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
