I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize