if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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