2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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