Already got asked if we're dating
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
