and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
