My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
