you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize