I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your penis caused this!
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