i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
