My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
