we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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