You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love you.
Bad choice
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