I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
