She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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