Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Gay?
German.
Pity.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
