Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
50% drunk capacity currently
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
