when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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