the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
