There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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