end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
