Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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