I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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