Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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