Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize