Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
