I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
soo... how was my night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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