I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
