Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
