dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
