I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
