So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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