walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
