its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
