Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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