You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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