Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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