It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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