WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
