he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
