There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
