i jhust puked up my retainher.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
