After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
