i will never coherently bang her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
