I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
