his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
