So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize