The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ttyl tear gas
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
