My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
