he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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