he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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