We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
