I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
