The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry about my life...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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