come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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