Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
God, I missed his penis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize