Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
