K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize