It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
