Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize