take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
