so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
